i'm gonna steal your heart away.

over dramatic people make me laugh :3
 
i don't care anymore what anyone thinks of me in rl, or on here. so whatever. ~
 
busy weeeeeekend so i won't be on much l o l
 
don't read further if you're just going to judge me o k a y ?
 
--
with ray, celena, & shirley drinking coconut rum samples we took from a hawaiian themed wedding party yesterday but they're really small so yeah idk

r we cool????
 
reppin' out atl shit.

i entered the smoothie shack, skateboard tucked under my arm. my blue eyes scanned the room, crossing many familiar faces, but not the face i was looking for. alex hadn't shown up yet, i assumed, so i grabbed a booth and ordered a mango-peach-coconut smoothie while i waited.
 
tapping my freshly painted magenta nails against the wooden, surfboard shaped table, i scrolled through my phone contacts for no reason other then out of pure boredom. every time i heard the jingling bell coming from the door opening, i'd look up hoping to see alex stroll in, but no luck.
 
"where could he be?" i asked myself, as the smoothie i ordered showed. i was just about to put my mouth on the straw when i felt a pair of warm, soft hands cover my eyes. smiling, i tried to touch my tongue to my nose to lick his hands, and was successful.
 
"gross." alex said, laughing and sliding into the seat opposite of me, wiping his hand on the leather. he reached for my smoothie and sipped it, grinning.
 
"excuse you." i snatched my smoothie back, taking a sip as well. "where were you? you're like five minutes late."
 
"sorry," he replied, "cam caught me on my way here, so we talked for a bit. she's gonna tag along to the fair with us. is that okay?"
 
my smile turned into a slight frown, but i quickly recovered by nodding and slurping my drink. cam was one of the most popular girls in the school, and could get any guy she wanted in a heartbeat. that's what worried me.
 
"yeah, yeah. uh, that's fine. where is she?" i asked, peering around him to see if she was anywhere. she wasn't, so i silently sighed a breath of relief. i genuinely didn't like cam, she had always acted like she was better than everyone, and it got really annoying.
 
"she's meeting up with us there." alex grabbed my smoothie and pulled off the top, chugging down most of it and only leaving me a little bit. i rolled my eyes in a playful way and began to slide out of the booth, cup in hand. but me, being the klutz i am, tripped while getting up.
 
"shit." i muttered, sprawled on the floor, mango-peach-coconut smoothie all over my white shirt, making it see-through. alex extended his arm to help me up, and laughed.
 
"you're very clumsy, do you know that?" he said, lading me to the family bathroom where mom's usually go to change their kids diapers.
 
"no, it's news to me!" i exclaimed, over dramatically and sarcastically. he chuckled, pulling his shirt over his head and handing it to me. i bit my lip and smiled, saying "thank you."
 
"no biggie." he replied, as i took off my stained shirt and changed into his. "you didn't make me turn around this time."
 
"like you said this morning, it's like being in my bathing suit. anyway, what are you gonna do? walk around shirtless?" i glanced at his abs. trust me, it took a lot of willpower to not stare. his abs were perfect from years of basketball, and baseball. i used to go to all of his games, and even practices. i still do, occasionally, but not as often as i used to because cam was always there.
 
"yeah, i guess. but, uh, i'm going to have to sell a bunch of tickets." he replied. i knitted my eyebrows in confusion.
 
"huh?" i looked at him curiously.
 
"to the gun show." he flexed his arms and laughed, following behind me towards the exit to the shop. "but seriously, can we stop at my house real quick so i can throw something on?"
 
"sure." i replied, purposely bumping into him while walking out of the smoothie station.
 
--
 
ahkgdfaksf that sucked. oh well.
o0o0o0o comments are nice.

i must be dreaming // the maine
 
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=33728942
^ read that & give me your feedback, please?

"rose." i heard faintly at first from my laptop speakers. i was completely covered by my puffy, white comforter, so every noise was muffled.

"rosie. rooooosie." the noise was getting louder, even through my blanket. i tried to ignore it by turning the opposite way and holding my pillow against my ears. mornings have begun like this since the first day of this summer, just like it had every summer before too. we like to stay up together to all hours of the night talking via webcam, then someone (usually me) will fall asleep. he liked to stay on and watch me sleep, creepy i know, and then wake me up every morning. but hey, he's my best friend.

"rosie, wake the fuck up." i shot up out of my bed from how loud that was, and turned the volume down on my computer before speaking.

"god, alex, you couldn't have just let me sleep?" i asked, rubbing my head and yawning. glancing swiftly at the digital clock beside me, which said it was 9:28 am. "why are you even up so early?"

"did you seriously forget? the fair is today and you promised you'd go with me and help me avoid that freshman with the weird crush on me." he laughed, doing a quick hair flip, and sipping a iced coffee from dunkin donuts.

"psh, no. i totally didn't forget that." i said, grabbing a fresh shirt from my drawer. "now close your eyes, i need to change."

"are you really still making me close my eyes?" he responded, as i watched him shielding his eyes on the monitor. "i've seen you in a bathing suit, what's the difference in a bra. i don't get it."

"you've got a good point, but still. i'm gonna hang up, but text me in ten so we can meet up somewhere, okay?" i adjusted my shirt and waved into the webcam before closing the video call window.

i continued to get dressed, throwing on a pair of denim shorts and black converse, before grabbing my blackberry and heading down the stairs into the kitchen, where my mom was cooking. i knew she was cooking before i even went down the stairs, because the house had the aroma of something burning.

"hey, mom. pass me an apple?" i asked, sliding into a stool by the counter, and scrolling through my facebook notifications on my phone. 4 friend requests, 2 messages, and 7 notifications.

"where you heading today?" my mom asked, handing me a freshly rinsed, green apple. i bit into it before answering, because i knew talking with food in my mouth made her angry, and i just loved to piss her off.

"the fair with alex." i replied, grinning like an absolute idiot with a mouth full of chewed up apple bits.

alex and i have been best friends since grade 2. and to be honest, i've had a crush on alex, starting in grade 7, when he used to be that gangly, nerdy kid with braces and ears too big for his head. now we're in grade 11, and he got hot, so all the girls are fawning over him, like the head cheerleader cam, and i don't stand a chance against her. the only thing is, i think i'm kinda in love with my best friend, alex.

"sounds like fun, be careful and let me know what time you'll be home." my mom turned to the stove and flipped what looked like a pancake, but i couldn't tell.

"i'll probably stay over alex's, so don't wait up for me." i called, heading out the door.

in school at first, rumors had flown about alex and i, because i would stay over his house a lot. but those were put to rest, eventually. when we had showed no interest in what people thought of us, everyone just stopped caring about spreading rumors because they weren't getting a reaction out of us.

i ran into the garage and grabbed my skateboard, hopping on it. as i was gliding down the road, my blackberry buzzed. it was a text message from alex.

"smoothie station in ten." i read out, in my mind. i turned left at the intersection and headed towards my destination, eager to see alex again.

--

blaah how was that?
i would really really really love it if you left a comment. :}

mine // taylor swift
 
going with my dad sooooon.

it's going to be very long i think. this is the real me, weather you like it or not. everything i've been through, everything i am, i just need to let it all out somewhere. i haven't told many people most of the things i'm about to talk about, so i would die if someone in rl saw this. so seriously, if i know you in rl please don't read this. i know you want to, and i know me telling you not to will make you want to. but i am begging you, asking you from the bottom of my heart, to seriously not read this. :/
 
anyways, here is my story.
 
my name is ariana, i was born and raised in new york. my parents divorced when i was little, i'm not wealthy at all, neither of my parents are. i have two different lives pretty much. one with my dad, one with my mom. i have very few close friends, only like 5 or 6. i hate venting about my problems, cause i know there's always someone worse off than me and i feel really compassionate for them. but sometimes, i just need to vent regardless of how i feel.
 
one of the toughest things i have to go through is i have ocd, social anxiety, and borderline personality disorder.
 
i believe that i developed the bpd from what i think was sexual abuse. i never got a legit diagnosis for this, but from how i act i have many of the "symptoms" or whatever and also my grandma, who was a nurse, said i possibly have it. i never told her, though, about the reason why i think i have it. anyway, i can barely remember, i was really young. and it wasn't really abuse, more of... molesting i guess, but not intentional. i know he didn't know any better. i don't know. it was my cousin, who was 12 at the time i assume he was just figuring out his body and stuff, because he would always get 6 year old me into his room and make me do stuff. again, this is the little i can remember.
 
i always get little flashbacks, and it kills me. but i don't remember full on. this is the hardest thing i've had to talk about. i've wrote about it before on here, it might still be up on one of my old accounts, i don't know. but it's just really, really hard. i will never talk about it in person, ever. my cousin and i are fine now, i'm sure he forgot all about it. but it really did scar me, i think.
 
i will never feel comfortable telling this to my mom, dad, or anyone. i guess that's why i'd rather spill my guts on here, instead of in real life, because i'd rather strangers judge me and stuff rather than those close to me who i care about. i don't know, maybe i'm just weird.
 
my anxiety is really strange. i'm over emotional, like extremely. this sounds so stupid, and it's the ting i'm most embarrassed about. i hate hate hate it when people don't like me. i just can't stand it. i try to be the perfect person, to stay out of drama, so no one hates me. if i'm talking to someone and they don't use smiley faces or "lol" i think they hate me. that might be paranoia though. i always think people won't like me, i'm very self conscious.
 
social anxiety prevents me from making friends, because i always feel people are pointing out the worst in me when i talk to them, or they don't like me. the littlest thing can make me think someone hates me, it's honestly embarrassing to admit that. i've been told over and over to think of the positives but i just can't. i'm really shy, and like awkward and i don't like going out really. i've only gone to a few parties in my life. and it's really hard to trust people.
 
also, just a small side note, i absolutely hate it when people think ocd is just a "neat freak" disease. it's not. ocd is is an anxiety disorder where you have repeated thoughts & feelings & emotions.
 
it's just over all really embarrassing to me. i can't stress that enough. i hate that i can't help when i cry, or get mad. if i could have it the way i wanted, i would never cry in public. but, unfortunately, i can't have it that way. like, one time i got a bad grade on my math test, so i cried. in school. in public. i was mortified, which made me cry more, which didn't help.
 
overall, sometimes i just think i'm completely crazy. but then i go on tumblr, or here, and see things other people went though, and people who are the same as me, it makes me feel better about myself that i'm not the only one.
 
i don't want sympathy really, i don't. i only made this to get everything off my chest. i actually hate saying this stuff, because i always feel people will think i'm looking for attention or whatever.
 
but my life isn't all sad and crazy l o l. i'm glad i have two different places to live sometimes, and i have an amazing sister/best friend. she helps me through everything. and i have amazing polyvore friends too who are so understanding and nice and just amazing. i have a great relationship with my mom, i tell her everything. even though we fight sometimes, it's normal and i still love her. i have an amazing family and i don't know what i'd do without them :3
 
idk i'm done i guess. sorry for wasting your time with my story.
 
if you read this all, comment saying picklepops.

the new classic // drew seely

well, the furniture is placed differently now.
this is how i want it.
 
my room is so fucking small it's pathetic.
i have to like squeeze around.
 
but i want a change from the way it is now.
so yeah.

please comment on this, even if you haven't ordered from there. i need peoples opinions.
 
i've never gone there before, or bought anything online. so i don't know my size there. i heard about it from macbarbie07 on youtube, my favorite beauty guru.
 
i'm a size M in both skirts & shirts from forever 21. do you think their sizes are the same?